Dearest Dearest,

Your name is the lowest of low blow insults in this home. Your words are something we crowd around to laugh at. Your desperate lunacy makes up the for the fact that we do not have cable.  Your lies are the punchlines of our favorite jokes.  Your theft nourished our nerve endings, made them grow like vines, now completely wild, our bodies overrun, unable to escape.  We thank you for the entertainment. We sincerely believe that it's brought us together, and for that, we cannot express our gratitude.