1. Find a shoebox.
2. Decapitate, dismember, and disembowel stuffed animals. When the stuffing blows away in the wind, pretend it's dandylion fluff, and you just made a wish on a rather large dandylion. Wish to show no mercy. It'll come true.
3. Shred all love letters with your teeth. Bitterly spit on each scrap until all paper is sufficiently damp. Mold scraps into a papier-mâché bust of your lover's head. Let dry over night. Set on fire in the morning.
4. Drag mixed CDs against concrete until the pavement plays your song. Crack CDs in crescent moon halves. Stomp on them until the sidewalk sparkles with shards of love songs.
5. Take scissors to all clothing items. Cut into strips roughly the width of your lover's conscience. Tie all strips together, making sure to double-knot. Saturate in grape juice. Hang in a place that you don't mind attracting insects. Let the moths take it from there.
6. Paste pictures of more attractive and emotionally equipped people over all photos of your lover.
7. Sob hysterically with regret.
8. Repeat step 7.
9. Repeat step 8.
10. Remember that this started with a shoebox. Fill shoebox with stuffed animal skins, papier-mâché ashes, CD dust, remnants of sticky moth-eaten rag, and improved photos.
11. Dig a hole so deep you can barely see out of it. Climb out of hole. Leave shoebox. Replace dirt. Stomp on the grave, if you didn't get enough stomping in step 3. Spit, if you didn't get enough spitting in step 2.
12. Walk away. Don't look back.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Don't be afraid to ask.