She

Frankie, Maggie, Mag, Kit, Kitten, Jinx, Lia, Iphis, Artist, she, you, who am I missing? Each character I write is the same kind of fucked up unforgettable, a version of some sorry dead girl I can't blot out. The women who walk through the revolving door to my life are the same breed: beautiful, emotionally unstable, charming, vindictive, never shut up, manipulative, spontaneous, kindkindkind until someone's feelings are hurt, cruel. And each time I shut one out, a new one bursts through the door and begs me to write her, and I do. I do every fucking time, not realizing she's the same fucking woman with a new name, a new haircut, new hobbies, maybe. She tortures me until I put her down in words.
It's not a choice so much as a reflex, an involuntary and nearly instantaneous impulse that pulls me along by my pen until it's all out, and the contents of my sick head spill out for strangers to see. Everything about this reoccurring woman is like vomiting in public: embarrassing, unexpected, inevitable, though I wish avoidable. She is food poisoning coupled with a bad case of intestinal parasites. It's not the kind of purging that comes with a sense of relief when it's done. It's the kind rips through your body and leaves you shaking, sweating, completely empty, hoping for death on the off chance that such a thing could ever happen again. And just when your stomach settles, she's tapping on your window, she's demanding you give back what's hers, asking your advice, threatening suicide, confessing her love, confessing her hate, confessing that the suicide threats were really just to fuck with you, she's giving you dating advice, she's moving, she's not moving, she's a model now, she's unemployed now, she's a stripper, she works at a clothing store, she's going on dates, she's alone, she in love, she's not in love, she's getting married, she's asking to use your shower, showing up on your doorstep, showing up in your dreams, showing up in your nightmares, kissing you, screaming at you, slapping your face, pushing you up against a wall, pretending she's never seen you before, shaking you awake, leaving you alone in a cold sweat in the dark in your bed wondering when she'll strike again.